Saturday, January 16, 2021

Click here to
sign up for our newsletter!

The Journals are the premier publications for high-quality, hyperlocal news and advertising in Monmouth County, New Jersey

Jan 12, 2021

Is Your Communication Building Resilience in Your Relationship?

Submitted by Liz Devine Hewson and Mark Lund, of Twin Lights Coaching

How ready is your marriage to confront the inevitable big storms of life that will hit?

Imagine you are a keeper of a lighthouse. You’re being buffeted by massive waves. You’re not concerned; the lighthouse is strong and steady. Storms will come. The waves of the north Atlantic can sweep you out to sea – but they won’t. You have maintained, fortified and cared for your lighthouse, so it stands strong and resilient.

Congratulations! You are here; you’ve survived all of the challenges life has thrown at your marriage so far. Unfortunately, past performance does not define future results. What you weathered previously may not be sustainable tomorrow.

Ask yourself, “Have I invested in my marriage? Have I nurtured those specifics qualities required to create a resilient marriage that lasts?”

Marriage is a beautiful experience; it is the foundation of your family. This special relationship provides a source of love, support and companionship. But just like any relationship, marriages are not stress-free and take effort, attention and nurturing. Without proper preparation, you will not be able to survive your relationship’s Superstorm Sandy. You need resilience!

Resilience is the ability to mentally and emotionally cope with a crisis. Simply put, resilience exists in couples who develop capabilities that allow them to remain calm during crises and chaos. It’s the ability to fall in love with each other’s imperfections and to move on from an incident without long-term negative consequences. In fact, resilient couples often find themselves stronger, more deeply connected after a crisis.

It’s so easy to be kind, pleasant and supportive when everything is going well in your life. The reality is that in most every marriage, sometime after the wedding you realize the “perfect” person you married is actually transforming back to their real, imperfect self. The resilient marriage is built upon great communication, appreciation and acceptance. This foundation gives you the opportunity to truly trust, heal, grow and form a deeper connection in spite of life’s challenges.

Creating deeper connections and resiliency in relationships is a specialty of Dr. Mark and Liz. So many storms are worsened, and relationships are challenged by miscommunication. Without attention to the detail of authentically communicating, you eventually wind up taking your partner for granted, becoming roommates instead of lovers or simply existing in your marriage. When neglected, even modest communication issues can become a cancer, destroying connection, trust and intimacy. Investing in your marriage with marriage coaching is a simple and elegant way to develop the critical components of resiliency in your marriage.

Much like investments, starting early and making small but consistent deposits pays huge dividends. The good news is that we believe it’s never too late to nurture your marriage.